Chapter 5: Memories…

…sure, time moves forward… it’s inevitable…      …you know that it is hopeless to struggle…                          …the end is just around the bend…       …only a few more….                  …just a few more….             …then everything you know…………..                 …everything  you’ve ever felt….            …everything that you said….                       …and everything that you have been…

….will be gone…

…you can still remember the moments inside the can…      …you felt so warm…           …just being beside your loved ones……           ….just staying close with them….               ….wrapping you with their unconditional love…..

…they were your family….

….

….

….

…at least that’s what you know….

….then suddenly, in less than a blink of an eye…..    ….you stopped…..    …thinking of death….           ….you remembered something….

…a world…..              …different from the world…..               ….inside….    ….and outside…..   …the can…..       …puzzled…          …you start wondering on how was it possible….   …to be in a different world….

…mystery holds your head….          …it could be a dream…              …yes….          ….maybe it really was a dream…        ….it was paradise…..           ….yeah, paradise…..               …..everything was not red like the tomato sauce…..            …it was….                ……blue…..         …..and the place was quite large…..         …really large…..             ….i could not see the end of that place…..           …my eyes cannot reach its end…    …it was an infinite space i was in….               …and there was more like me…..        ….not just four………              ….hundreds……             …..no, maybe….         …millions….         …of us playing and swimming…..         ….is heaven colored blue?….        …..everything is so serene…..            ……yeah…..         …..i felt something……          ….that i haven’t…     …felt before…

….freedom….

…what a wonderful dream that was…..       ….???…..           ….i….      ….have  a….         ….mother?!…. …is that really….         ….mother?….        ….how can that be?….       ….i have my mother inside the can….         ….with me….        …but….      ….she never calls me as her child…..

….to be continued….

Next time: The memories linger, memories that were forgotten, dreams, as they seem to be. The continuation of memories next time.

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dalawang linggo na ang nakakalipas simula ng huli akong nagpost dito. ang tamad ko talaga. don’t get me wrong, tamad lang ako, hindi batugan. alam nyo ba kung bakit ganito ang post ko ngayon? siyempre hindi! kasi naaliw lang ako kanina sa mga horoscope na nabasa ko kanina. lahat sila, ang sabi, magtitripings daw ako ngayon sa memory lane. siyempre, uto-uto naman ako, tinotoo ko. pero medyo tama sila, actually, kahapon, halos ganun din ang horoscope ko, pero ibang term ang ginamit, “nostalic,” yan yung word na ginamit. di ba parang synonymous din yan?! at bago ko pa mabasa yun, medyo nagsesenti na ko, dahil naaalala ko ang mga bagay dati, kung saan, pwede kong gawin ang mga bagay na gusto ko, pero walang apektadong ibang tao. kung saan malaya kong gawin ang mga bagay. malayang lumilipad ang aking isip at kamalayan. nakakamiss, pero, eto na ang totoong buhay. maraming bawal, maraming sagabal. ganyan siguro habang tumatanda ka. o kaya naman, eto ang mga kabayaran ng kalayaang natamasa ko dati. pero kahit anong mangyari, kailangan ko pa rin itong harapin. malay mo, pag napasobra ang hirap ko ngayon, baka ang maging kabayaran ay ang kalayaan ko muli…

siyanga pala, eto ang dahilan kung bakit nagsesenti ako, etong kantang to:

Kanlungan (by Buklod)

words ang music by: Noel Cabangon and Rom Dongeto

pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

natatandaan mo pa ba,
nang tayong dalwa’y ang unang nagkita?
panahon ng kamusmusan
sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
doon tayong nagsimulang
mangarap at tumula

natatandaan mo pa ba,
inukit kong puso sa punong mangga
at ang inalay kong gumamela
magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
malayang tulad ng mga ibon
ang gunita ng ating kahapon

ang mga puno’t halaman
ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
sa paglipas ng panahon bakit kailangan ding lumisan?

pana-panahon ang pagkakatao
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
at tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
makita ang dating kanlungan
tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
ngayon ay naglaho na
saan hahanapin pa?

lumilipas ang panahon
kabiyak ng ating gunita
ang mga puno’t halaman
bakit kailangan lumisan?

pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?
lumilipas ang panahon
kabiyak ng ating gunita
ang mga puno’t halaman
bakit kailangan lumisan?

pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

Translation
two weeks have past since i last posted. i’m really lazy. don’t get me wrong, i’m just lazy but i’m not a sloth. do you know why my post is like this today? of course you don’t! because i was amused by the horoscopes that i read earlier. all of them said, that i will be travelling down the memory lane today. and since i’m gullible, i made it happen. but i think they’re partially right, yesterday, my horoscope is almost similar, but with a different term used, “nostalgic”. isn’t it synonymous?! and before i even read it, i was already senti, because i remember things before, when i can do the things that i want, but don’t affect other people. where i have the freedom to do the things i want. my mind and my consciousness can freely soar. i miss it, but this is the real life. too many prohibitions, too many in the way. i think it’s the way to go when you’re getting older. or maybe this is the price i have to pay for the freedom that i enjoyed before. but whatever happens, i need to face it. we don’t know, but maybe if i experience too much hardships today, i might be rewarded with my freedom again…
anyway, this song is the root of all my melancholy today:
Haven (by Buklod)
Chances only come by chance
Can yesterday be brought back?
Do you still remember,
When the two of us first met?
Moments of innocence
Together with the flowers and plants
It was then that we started
To dream and to make poems
Do you still remember,
The heart that I etched on the mango tree?
And the hibiscus that I offered you
Holding hands by the seashore
Free as a bird
The memories of our yesterday.
The trees and the plants
Are linked with our memories
As the season passes, why do they have to leave?
Chances only come by chance
Can yesterday be brought back?
Now that you have returned
Your yearning is the same as me
To see our old haven
Home of our poems and dreams
Now they’ve disappeared
Wherever can we find it?
Time passes
Linked with our memories
The trees and the plants
Why do they have to leave?
Chances only come by chance
Can yesterday be brought back?
Time passes
Linked with our memories
The trees and the plants
Why do they have to leave?
Chances only come by chance
Can yesterday be brought back?

Chapter 4: Clouded Mind

…slowly but surely, you are now sure of everything….

…death is just hanging just around the corner….  ….your time is slipping away quite fast…      …very fast, and you didn’t even have time to notice it earlier….

…as the moment comes near, everything you did, everything that happened, everything that passed by, you seemed to regret it… all of them…       …you don’t know why you should regret it….    …you really don’t know, but still you want to….            ….maybe, just maybe, it is for you to satisfy your anxious self…   ….you want to feel comforted….       …especially at this particular moment of your life….   ….till death.

…you want to exclaim at the top of your lungs, “Why did this ever happen to me?!”

“How can these things be happening right now?!”

“Why now?!!”

“Has God forsaken me?…”

“…Or has God hated me, from the bottom of His heart?”

…confusion reigns over your head…       …so much confusion, you can’t even figure out that you’re confused…            …you can’t help it, you have to blame someone for your tragedy…     …it’s your nature…           …you’re such a pity…       …blaming someone else for your own fault…                        …blaming them, just to feel good about yourself, to erase the guilt that covers your heart…

…now, your mind is covered with clouds…              …so clouded, you can’t even see the truth behind anything….             …just thinking, saying and doing anything that pleases you……

… so if you ever find someone like this, can you forgive them, or just even understand them?                …me, I really don’t know…                       …just don’t be petty…

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wai, wai, wai!!! tagal ko na namang hindi nagpopost sa blog ko. sarap sanang magsulat araw araw kaya lang tinatamad ako. saka kulang din sa time.  hehe, sa computer lab na lang namin ako nag-iinternet, wag lang papahuli sa instructor, hehe. mabilis na, libre pa. NO MONTHLY FEES. PLDT at DIGITEL DSL pah, wahehehe.

anyway, ba’t nga ba may mga taong walang magawa kundi ibaling sa iba ang kasalanan at pagkukulang nila. hmm… hindi ko alam, kahit na paminsan-minsan, unconciously, nagagawa ko. pero ang sarap ng feeling di ba kung guilt-free ka di bah? yung hindi mo kailangang panagutan ang mga kalokohang ginawa mo. parang ipinasa-load mo sa iba yung karma mo sa buhay. pero, naipasa mo nga ba? hindi kaya bumalik sa yo ng mas grabe, dinelay mo lang ang dating…. maaari.

mahirap mang tanggapin pero, sa palagay ko, ginagawa natin ito lahat. nagkakaiba-iba lang tayo kung gaano kadalas natin to ginagawa. pero kailan kaya natin mari-realize ‘to. lalo na yung mga mas matanda ng ilang generation sa atin. ang hirap pangaralan, di ka nila nirerespeto. siguro dahil feeling nila mas marami na silang beses nag-level-up sa buhay. kahit na sa totoo, mas mabilis mag-level-up ngayon ang younger generation, at medyo stranded na ang mga old ones sa level nila. siguro dahil feeling nila sila na ang pinakamatibay at pinakamalakas sa lahat, dahil sa tagal na nila sa mundo, pakiramdam siguro nila sobrang dami na nilang pinagdaanan sa buhay. hindi sila yuyuko kahit kanino na feeling nila na mas mahina ang experience sa kanila. tama ba? hindi ko naman nilalahat, mayroon pa namang ibang marunong sumabay sa hangin ng panahon.

eniwei, on the lighter side naman, dahil ngayon lang ulit ako nagsulat dito, ngayon ko lang masasabi to. even though naipalabas na to sa tv, especially sa GMA. “wah, binaboy ni jimmy bondoc ang napakagandang kanta ni Shin Seung Hun na , I Believe!” yun yung theme song sa movie ng My Sassy Girl! medyo nakakaoffend lang ng konti, kasi hindi pa niya pinaalam dun sa record company. (eniwei, quits lang naman. natatandaan nyo ba yung isang particular na koreanovela na tinranslate din yung isang kanta ni Ogie Alcasid at ginawang theme song nito na hindi rin pinaalam. well kayo nang bahalang humula kung anong title nito.)

and speaking of My Sassy Girl, may tagalog version na ito, malapit nang ipalabas dito sa Pilipinas kong minumutya. pero sana naman maganda yung pagkakatranslate at yung boses.

hanggang dito na lang, mahaba na e. sa susunod na lang pag sinipag ulit ako. eniwei, asa baba yung original lyrics at english translation ng “I Believe” namnamin nyo:

I Believe (Shin Seung Hun)

“I BELIEVE guden gyothe ojiman idero ibyorun anigejyo
I BELIEVE naege onun girun jogum molli doraor punigejyo
modu jinagan gu giogsogeso nega narur aphuge hamyo nunmurur mandurjyo
na mankhum urji anhgirur gudemanun nunmur obshi nar phyonhage bonejugirur
onjenga dashi doraor guderanun gor argie nan midgo igie gidarirkeyo
nan gudeyo yaman hajyo

I BELIEVE nega aphaharkabwa gudenun urjido mothegejyo
I BELIEVE hurunun ne nunmuri gudr dashi nege dollyojugejyo
jaku momchunun ne nungir sogeso gude mosubduri tolla nunmurur mandurjyo
na mankhum urji anhgirur gudemanun nunmur obshi nar phyonhage bonejugirur
onjenga dashi doraor guderanun gor argie nan midgo igie gidarirkeyo
nan gudeyo yaman hajyo

Na gude argi jon isesangdo irohge nunbushyonunji
gu hanur areso ijen nunmullo namgyojyojiman ijarir nan jikhirgeyo

Guderan iyumanuro naegenun gidarimjocha chungbunhi hengboghagejyo
saranghan iyumanuro to haruga jinaga go onun gir ijodo gidarirkeyo
nan gudeyo yaman hajyo
nan gudeyo yaman hajyo”

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ciempre may translation:

I Believe (Shin Seung Hun)

“I believe… When you are not with me there are no stars in the sky.
I believe… The way back to you will feel a little far.
I’ll carry all those memories deep inside me.
I’ll feel pain, it’ll make tears fall.

When I won’t cry you will leave me
With no change and no tears.
Someday again the tears will come around
You know it
I’ll believe that you are waiting.
I do it for you.

I believe… It’ll hurt me to see, you can’t cry.
I believe… My tears will fall, you should turn back to me again.
Again I’ll glimpse you come into my sight
And it’ll make my tears fall.

When I won’t cry you will leave me
With no change and no tears.
Someday again the tears will come around
You know it
I’ll believe that you are waiting.
I do it for you.

Before I knew you, the world was dazzling.
From that sky I got left with tears.
I will care for that person.

You are the only reason…
To me the wait gives me enough happiness.
Love is the only reason…
As days pass by,
If you forget the way, I’ll be waiting
I do it for you.
I do it for you.”

Translation
wai wai, it’s been so long since i last posted. it’s nice to post everyday but i’m lazy. i also lack the time. hehe, i use our computer lab to browse the web, just don’t let the instructors catch you, hehe. it’s fast and free. NO MONTHLY FEES, PLDT and DIGITEL DSL available!! wahehehe…
anyway, why are there people who put the blame to others.. i don’t know, even rarely, i too am guilty. but the feeling is nice if you’re guilt-free, right? when you don’t have to take responsibility for what you’ve done. it’s like share-a-loading your karma to others. but, did you really passed it? don’t you think it’ll return to you tenfolds, you just delayed it… probably.
although it is hard to admit, i think, all of us do this. we’re just different on the frequency of doing this. but, when do we realize this? especially the previous generations. it’s hard to teach them,  they won’t respect you. it’s probably because they think that they’ve leveled up much more times than you did. even if it is true, the younger generation levels up faster. and the old ones are stranded on their own levels. maybe they thought that they’re the toughest and the strongest, due to their long stay on this world, they feel that they have achieved a lot of things in this life. they won’t bow down to anyone whom they feel are inferior to them. am i right? i’m not generalizing, there are others who can adjust to the times.
anyway, on the lighter side, since this is the only time that i had the chance to write, i can now say this. even though tv stations especially GMA has already shown this. “wah, jimmy bondoc bastardized the wonderful song of Shin Seung Hun, I Believe!” that is the theme song of the movie My Sassy Girl! a little bit offended, since he did not ask the record company’s permission. (anyway, it’s only fair since if you can remember, a particular korean drama translated a song by Ogie Alcasid and made it it’s theme song without them notifying. well, it’s up to you to guess it.)
and speaking of My Sassy Girl, it now has a tagalog version, and coming soon here in the Philippines. well, i just hope that they did a good job with the voice acting and stuff.
this is all i have to write since it’s a bit long now. maybe next time when i have the motivation. below is the original lyrics of I Believe: [above]